Viagra (Introduction) part 2
As someone who treats men with Viagra nearly every day , I can tes- tify to the remarkable effects of this medication . For many men and their partners , Viagra has unquestionably brought about significant improvements in their lives , and to a degree that was not previ- ously possible with other treatments . And yet there is clearly much
more to the story of human sexuality and relationships than the Viagra Myth would have us believe . The Viagra Myth has less to do with the effectiveness of the medication than with our cultural propensity to look for the easy fix . This myth suggests that a pill that improves blood flow to the penis can solve personal relation- ship issues , no matter how complex . I started wondering about the disconnect between the Viagra Myth and reality soon after I had started prescribing the medica- tion . John , a fifty-five-year-old man married for over twenty years , saw me three months after I had prescribed Viagra as treatment for his erectile dysfunction , with which he had suffered for over two years . ” So , John , how ‘ s the Viagra working out for you ?” I asked . ” Well , it works , Doc . But I don ‘ t take it anymore .” ” Why not ?” ” To tell you the truth , my wife and I decided to separate . All this time , I ‘ d thought that if I could have sex with her again , every- thing would work out fine . But it turns out that our problems are bigger than the sex thing . So we ‘ re splitting up .” Viagra had done wonders for John ‘ s erection problem but noth- ing toward solving his relationship problem . Then there was Chester , who at seventy-one years old had initially complained that his erections were only semifirm . Sex with his wife had become awkward and unsatisfying , and he asked specifically for a prescription for Viagra . It seemed a reasonable request , and his physical exam revealed no health risks , so I pre- scribed the medication . When Chester returned to the office sev- eral months later , he reported on various other medical issues but never mentioned how he was doing sexually , even though that had been the main concern for him at his last visit . ” Did you ever try the Viagra ?” I asked . Chester gave me a big smile , and there was a gleam in his eye . ” Oh , the Viagra ! Well , it definitely makes me harder !” he chuck- led . ” But I don ‘ t need it . The wife and I are okay with how things are going without it . I don ‘ t want to spoil her , you know !” John and Chester are just two examples of the many men for whom Viagra works in a physical sense as it is supposed to , but the medication failed to meet their expectations in other ways . Even when Viagra works , men like John and Chester often do not want to take it , and their reasons vary . Although I saw these men in my practice every day and intently followed their stories , I was still sur- prised to learn that the refill rate for Viagra prescriptions is less than 50 percent . What happened to the old crude joke that all a man needs in order to be happy is a hard penis and a place to put it ? Could our perception of Viagra and our sense of masculine sexual- ity be so out of kilter with reality ? Surprisingly the answer is yes . The Viagra Myth , which promotes the notion of the hard penis as the salvation of sexual relationships , is so pervasive that even professionals in the field bought into it . After reflecting on cases like those of John and Chester and their partners , I began to see an enormous gulf between appearances and reality when sexual relationships are in question . Many of my male patients , together with many of their part- ners , came to realize that finally achieving a great erection did not solve their relationship problems . In fact , it frequently made them worse . As with John and his wife , sometimes when the erection issue is solved , couples are forced to deal with more profound trou- bles in the relationship . As I listened to my patients , I came to see that our culture had taken Viagra and created a legend out of it that went far beyond its actual pharmacological properties . People had come to expect that taking a little blue pill could solve their personal and relationship problems , no matter how complex those difficulties were . I heard variations on this theme almost daily . Men or their partners requested prescriptions for Viagra for all sorts of problems , some- times with the barest of sexual symptoms : a lack of desire , struggles in existing relationships , fear of intimacy , or a desire to be a sexual superstud , for example . The range of issues for which men could envision successful treatment only with Viagra was astounding to me . This aura surrounding a medication that enhances blood flow to the penis is clearly a reflection of who we are and our desire for the easy , quick fix . I have called this exaggerated sense of Viagra as a wonder drug for various complex issues the Viagra Myth . Yes , the drug is enormously powerful , and it can be a lifesaver for many men , but it has also turned a bright spotlight on previ- ously hidden areas of sexuality and relationships . In particular , it forces couples to decide what is real in their relationships and what is not . I have come to see Viagra as providing a window into the psyche of men , and perhaps indirectly into the psyche of women as well , since women are not immune from unduly high expectations regarding the benefits of Viagra and its potential to provide sexual healing . The lessons I have teamed by listening to my patients and their partners form the basis of this book , and in the pages that follow I share the stories of those who have taught me so much about sex and sexuality and , by extension , about personal growth and humanity . The lessons to be learned are startling , profound , and often inspiring . What does it mean for a man to lose his sense of mas- culinity and self-esteem ? How does this loss manifest itself in the relationship between him and his partner ? How do couples survive when a man loses the ability to function sexually ? What is it like when his sexual powers return ? What is it like for a woman to have her partner restored to his ” youthful vigor ” after a prolonged period of inactivity ?
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