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This is a book about real people . The men and women who pass through my office share intimate details of their lives that would otherwise never see the light of day were it not for this book . Nat- urally , names and details have been changed in order to preserve privacy , and in many stories I have combined features from two or more patients . Each story is unique , yet there are themes familiar to every reader because of the commonality of human experience . Men want to feel powerful and capable and accepted , to be able to relate to their partners in a way that affirms these qualities . Women want to feel attractive to their partners and emotionally connected . When sex goes awry , particularly because of erection problems , not only do relationships come crashing down , but men and women lose their grip on these most fundamental human needs : secure identity and intimate connection . To be sure , the power of Viagra lies in its ability to correct a man ‘ s erection problems . Whether this fix rights the ship depends on the individuals involved and what they bring of themselves on board . So often , as the stories that follow show , men and women are at cross-purposes within their relationships and lack a shared language for understanding each other . As we are continually reminded by advertisements and testimonials in the media , Viagra can help correct the erection problem . But if a man is worried only about his lost machismo while his partner is concerned about a lack of emotional intimacy , then the reappearance of a firm penis is not likely to provide them with a happily-ever-after . Both will fall vic- tim to the Viagra Myth . To dispel this myth and help readers distinguish between fact and fiction , this book seeks to answer some of the questions most frequently raised by my patients and their partners , such as the following :

1. When is Viagra the ” perfect ” cure ?
2. When is Viagra not a cure but an obstacle to a relationship ?
3. How does a man determine whether his partner loves him or Viagra ?
4. What does a woman experience when she ‘ s with a man who can function sexually only with Viagra ?
5. If a man can function only with Viagra , does he continue to think of himself as impotent or does he feel inauthentic ?
6. Does Viagra make a man more virile , more attractive , and a better lover ?
7. What happens when a man doesn ‘ t tell his partner he ‘ s taking Viagra ? Will she know ? Is it the same as lying ?
8. What ‘ s the relationship between an erection and desire ?
9. Can Viagra work after prostate cancer surgery ?
10. If Viagra doesn ‘ t work for a man , will he ever be able to have sex again ?
11. Can a couple have sex without an erection ?
12. Does Viagra make sex less spontaneous and more predictable ?

I have written this book in the hope of provoking a more thoughtful and frank discussion about sexuality than currently exists . On a practical level , I hope that men and women can use these stories as starting points to improve the dialogue they have with each other in their relationships and ultimately to create a more fully satisfying life for themselves . I also hope this book will lead to the more realistic application of Viagra and other sexual therapies for the benefit of all men , women , and their relationships .